How to Start Shadow Work (Even If You Feel Overwhelmed)

Feeling Overwhelmed? You're Not Alone

That’s the first thing I remember thinking when I first came across the concept of shadow work.

It felt mysterious, deep, and honestly… kind of intimidating.
I had no idea where to start, and it all sounded so serious — like I needed to be fully ready or fully healed before even trying.

But here’s what I’ve learned since:
You don’t have to dive headfirst into the deepest layers of your past. 
You don’t need to have it all figured out. 
You might already be doing shadow work — and not even know it. 

That was true for me.

Without realizing it, I was already practicing shadow work the moment I started paying attention to what triggered me — and asking why.

How I Started Shadow Work Without Realizing It

Two powerful ideas gently began changing the way I saw myself and others:

Carl Jung once said, 
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” 

And Don Miguel Ruiz, in The Four Agreements, wrote: 
“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you… what others say and do is a projection of their own reality.” 

At some point, these truths began to sink in.
I started noticing when someone bothered me, and instead of just judging them or brushing it off, I asked:
Why is this bothering me? What does this reaction reveal about me? What am I pushing away or rejecting in myself? 

At the same time, I was taking a lot of things personally.
I’d feel hurt by someone’s words, choices, silence… and make it mean something about me.
But slowly, I started to understand:
People’s reactions say more about them than they do about me. 
They’re often projecting their own unhealed parts.

And I was projecting mine, too.

That’s when I realized — this was shadow work. And I’d already begun. 

What Is Shadow Work? (A Simple Definition) 

Shadow work is the gentle practice of becoming aware of the parts of yourself you’ve pushed away — the ones you’ve labeled as “too much,” “not enough,” or “bad” — and learning to meet those parts with compassion instead of judgment. 

It’s not about fixing yourself.
It’s about becoming more whole. 
It’s about remembering that every part of you has something to teach you — even the ones you’ve spent years hiding.

 If you’re new to the concept of the shadow, I wrote a deeper explanation here: What Is The Shadow in Shadow Work? (And Why You’re Not Broken)

Why Shadow Work Can Feel Scary 

Let’s be real — this work can feel uncomfortable at first. 

Most of us were never taught how to sit with our feelings.
We were taught to be good, polite, quiet, easy to love.
We learned to keep the “messy” parts of ourselves hidden — the anger, the fear, the neediness, the sadness.

But hiding those parts doesn’t make them disappear.
They live in the shadow — and they still affect our thoughts, our relationships, and our sense of self.

So of course there’s resistance.
Of course there’s fear. 

But here’s the truth:
You don’t have to go deep all at once. 
You don’t have to face it all today. 
You can begin slowly. Safely. Gently. 

How to Start Shadow Work (Gently) 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, start here.
These small steps have deep impact: 

Step 1: Start Noticing Your Triggers 
What annoys you, frustrates you, or evokes a strong emotional reaction?
Don’t judge it — just observe.
Your triggers are messengers. 
They point to something inside that’s asking for your attention.

Want more real-life examples of how shadow shows up day to day? Check out this post: How to Recognize Your Shadow in Daily Life 

Step 2: Practice Self-Compassion 
When something comes up — whether it’s a reaction, a judgment, or a difficult memory — place a hand on your heart and breathe.
You’re allowed to be human. You’re allowed to feel. 
Gentleness creates the safety needed for this work to unfold.

Step 3: Journal With Prompts 
Shadow work is powerful when it’s written down.
Here are a few gentle prompts to begin:

• What traits in others really bother me — and why? 
• What do I fear others might see or think about me? 
• What am I afraid to feel? Why? 

(You’ll find more in my free Shadow Work Starter Workbook — linked at the bottom of this post.) 

Step 4: Observe the Inner Critic 
That voice that says you’re not doing enough, not being enough — that’s not your truth.
It’s often shaped by past experiences and conditioning. 
Notice it. Name it. You don’t have to believe it.

Step 5: Rest and Regulate 
Shadow work is emotional work — and nervous system work. 
Go slow. Let yourself rest. Breathe deeply. Take breaks.
The goal isn’t to push through — it’s to move with care. 

Sometimes, shadow work is just about clearing space. You might enjoy this post on Simplifying Your Inner World to support your process.

What to Expect When Starting Shadow Work

Shadow work can stir up some old feelings. That’s normal.
You might feel waves of emotion. Guilt. Doubt. Resistance. Vulnerability.

But you might also feel… lighter.
More at peace. 
More connected to your true self — the one underneath the patterns and protection. 

This is the part where transformation quietly begins. 

Shadow Work Is a Journey – Not a Sprint 

There’s no rush. No perfect way to do this. 
Even just reading this post is a step toward self-awareness.
And that, in itself, is healing.

If you’re ready to take your next step — or want some support along the way —
I created a free Shadow Work Starter Workbook to help you begin. 

It’s filled with prompts, reflections, and grounding practices to guide you — gently, at your own pace. 

✨ Download the free workbook at the bottom of this post. 

And if something in this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you.

Feel free to reach out anytime —> Contact Me 💌

With care,

Marika 💛